i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
