Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize