You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
