I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
God, I missed his penis.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize