Please don't use social media to get back at me.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
