so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
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Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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