I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is Oprah even human
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
