why didn't you poke me back
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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