I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
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Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.