Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize