I cut my penus on the lid.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
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Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
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My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!