thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
My day in three words: secret purse cake
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
