Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
it hurts more in the daytime
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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