We're facebook friends in real life
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
then he tried to convert me to islam
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
