I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
