Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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