I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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