fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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