So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
