I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Those nachos came to me in a dream
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
