Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
