He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
