My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
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it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
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