laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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