your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
