ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She announced her abortion via fbk
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Found your dick twin last night
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
