You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
