OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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