you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.