No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Proof That Kendall Jenner Is The Queen of Cannes
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.