you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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