I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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