i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
