I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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