I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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