The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
