I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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