I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
false alarm, still single
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize