I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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