i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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