So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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