there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
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