I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the barista slut.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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