haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
