I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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