So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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