My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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