Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(240): View more from Maryland

EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.

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(817): View more from Texas

Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you

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(856): View more from New Jersey

just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches

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Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Read it at the TFLN blog
(502): View more from Kentucky

I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up

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(334): View more from Alabama

I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.

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(815): View more from Illinois

So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.

(815): View more from Illinois

Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.

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(860): View more from Connecticut

Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now

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