i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.