Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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