ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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