He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
