Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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