i don't like sucking hair
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Of course I have a pirate flag
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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