At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
